Valerie, Adoptee:
In her own words: finding one’s place in their family
Embracing her role as an adoptee of the organization’s founder
In the beginning; there was a parent who nurtured me to life, one who set me free, and another who chose me. My story is a quiet but powerful reminder that family is built as much by choice as by birthright. In that choice, I have found the strength to embrace both who I am and who I am still becoming.
Valerie’s Story
Some of my earliest memories are filled with the quiet, steady presence of my father. I remember the gentle sway when my father would hoist me up, carrying me as what he called a “sack of potatoes.”; Walking hand-in-hand, my mother and father each lifting their arm as I’d “Peter Pan” over puddles, feeling like I could soar with them on either side; climbing onto my father’s lap as he spoke to others gathered around his office conference table, his voice a comforting bass that anchored me and lulled me to sleep.
She was my mom and he was my dad in every way that mattered. I never knew a life without the both of them together; there was no memory of a time when he wasn’t my father and I wasn’t his child. The fact that we didn’t share blood was irrelevant to my young brain and heart; I was his daughter, completely.
In those early years as an only child, I knew nothing but a blissful, uncomplicated love that felt whole and absolute. I grew up in those toddler years without questioning our family dynamic. My father was simply my father and I was his child. But with the arrival of my first sibling, something shifted. For the first time, I noticed that while my siblings had simply been born into the family, I had been “part of the deal.” And that difference felt burdensome.
As I grew, a sense of complexity settled in, shaping my identity in subtle ways. I watched my siblings both glide and fumble through life’s obstacles, embraced with unconditional admiration and encouragement along the way, while I felt myself struggling to find my own path – a path that would lead to the same amount of encouragement and approval. These were formative years, and along with the normal challenges of adolescence, I wrestled with the layered reality of adoption. I found myself wondering about the birth father I’d never known, romanticizing who he was and the reasons he might have for not being involved in my life.
“My story is a quiet, but powerful, reminder that family is built as much by choice as by birthright.”
A Chosen Love
For one parent, fatherhood was a choice he chose not to take part in. For another, it was a role he embraced wholeheartedly. It takes an act of pure love to welcome a child as your own, and I am forever grateful that my father made that choice. In his choice to adopt me, I experienced one of the most profound forms of love humanity has to offer – a love that says, “I choose you,” every single day.
No matter the stage of life, I’d catch myself thinking certain traits – maybe my sense of humor, a shorter toe, or the way I solved a problem – must have been inherited from my father’s side. “Must be osmosis,” we’d joke, laughing at how personality and connection could transcend DNA. And even still as an adult, I see glimpses of him in myself and in my children, reminders of our bond that go beyond biology.
The “First Pancake Syndrome”
Reflecting now, I wonder if my experiences as an adoptee shaped my journey uniquely, or if it was simply the generational cycles and the role of being the oldest. My mother, also an eldest child, calls this the “first pancake syndrome” – a mix of trial and error in parenting a firstborn. Whether my experiences were defined by adoption or by my birth order, one truth stands out above all: I was loved, deeply and completely.
In the end, my adoption story is about the beauty of belonging – not defined by biology, but by commitment, shared memories, and a bond that continues to grow. It’s a reminder that family is more than blood; it’s about showing up, it’s about laughter, and yes, in our case – it’s even about osmosis.
“In his choice to adopt me, I experienced one of the most profound forms of love humanity has to offer.”