Carrie, Adoptee:
An adoptive family built by love
The joy and pride of being adopted
In my opinion, adoption under any circumstance, is the most selfless act of love that there is. It often gets a bad rap, but I don’t buy into to any of that opinion. For me, being adopted was a beautiful loving thing. Nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. I never understood this thinking – I guess because my parents were amazing and gave me such a beautiful life. They were the perfect parents for me. My Mom told me that I was loved so much, I was very special, I was wanted and I was picked out for our family. I often thought that the joke was on biological children whose parents just had them.
The girl they always wanted
I was adopted when I was three months old through an organization in Indianapolis. My folks had previously adopted my two older brothers, Andy and Joe, through that same agency. The adoptions were both public and, at the time during the 1950’s and 1960’s, it was a known practice that you could adopt up to two children. But adopting a third baby was fairly rare. Originally, because of the socially imposed two-child limit, my folks were hoping for a boy and a girl.
“For me, being adopted was a beautiful loving thing. Nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by.”
My brother Andy was adopted first. Two years later a second boy became available, Joe, because his first adoptive mother was diagnosed with a terminal health condition, and she didn’t think it was fair to her brand-new adopted baby to keep him. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking and agonizing that decision was. Her tragedy became a beautiful blessing to my parents who suddenly had a second baby boy. According to my mother, the caseworker she and my dad worked with was a very special person and had reassured my mom that a third child, a girl, was still a possibility. Six years later I came along to complete our family of five.
One family was all she needed
When I was younger, I was interested in knowing if I looked like my birth mother but that faded away as I got older. Also, for many years, I wanted to know my family’s health history, but this is less important for me also as I get older. I do get early screenings and try to live a moderate lifestyle, so I am not sure knowing would have changed anything for me.
My brother Joe did reach out to both his genetic mother and father. He had a relationship with his birth mother, but his birth father didn’t respond. Joe also wanted us to have a relationship with his bio mother and half-sister, which was awkward and sometimes hurtful to my folks. I never had the desire to make a connection.
Both of my parents lived to 97 years old, and I wasn’t comfortable with making a connection when they were living. My family was just right for me, and I didn’t feel that I needed anything more. My oldest brother Andy felt the same way and never tried to find his birth parents.
“Dad, mom and me in 2005”
The choice of nature vs. nurture
I wanted to adopt children but honestly it was so much easier for me to have two genetic children. As a full-time working mom 40 years ago, it was the ease of having genetic children vs. the rigorous process of adoption. I have often regretted the fact that I didn’t adopt a child.
I love being adopted. It is just a part of who I am. We have other adopted children throughout our family and also have a history of foster kids with some aunts, uncles and cousins that is a wonderful legacy.
“I love being adopted. It is just a part of who I am.”